Rean Schwarzer ([personal profile] reanbeanmachine) wrote2018-06-16 10:59 pm

This has spoilers for tocs 2 end game

[Crow's wounds required immediate treatment, and while he was in the care of Heimdallr's hospital something went... Wrong. Word got out somehow who he was, leader of that terrorist group, the sniper whose bullet set off the war. Some bribes, some shady dealings, and before the intelligence agency or RMP could react, he was home from his room.

Luckily for Crow by the time he's kidnapped he's in stable condition, and his captors want him to recover, so he's been transported carefully. Where he finds himself though, well that's hard to say when he wakes up chained to a bed in a featureless room with no windows, and a drain on the floor. At least his bandages are fresh.]

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 09:45 am (UTC)(link)
[The odd thing is the recordings help, in a way. They're awful, and he's more than ashamed of himself, but seeing and hearing it over and over and over starts to make it background noise. It stops cutting so sharply.

Or maybe it's just that it's all been going on for so long that everything has blurred into a haze of pain and misery and exhaustion. No one thing hurts worse than another anymore. Begging means nothing. Crying means nothing. Struggling means nothing. Nothing he does changes anything, and none of it can hurt him any more than it already has.

After long enough he's gone a little dead inside. He's reacting to physical sensation, but emotionally he's down to two modes: dull disinterest and absolute fury. Sometimes he just stares at nothing, blankly allowing them to do whatever they want until pain or pleasure forces a reaction. Other times he screams and curses and fights like a feral cat, so angry he's past sassing and into psychotic violence. He absolutely has hurt someone by now, at least once. They can't keep him perfectly restrained at every moment and he's reached the point where self-preservation is not even on the list of considerations. Pain, too, is losing meaning. He isn't bothered by it until it's overwhelming, so there's none of a normal person's injury avoidance in the way he lashes out.

It's not that he doesn't feel other things deep down. It's just that the soft part of him has retreated so far in self-defense that those emotions aren't registering on a surface level. Reach down far enough and he's lonely and terrified, hurt and frustrated and sad and doubting himself. He's starting to wonder if he really does deserve even this kind of punishment. But those things are being thoroughly buried, so all his captors see in his eyes is emptiness, occasionally interrupted by a primal kind of rage.]

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 10:09 am (UTC)(link)
[He can hear fighting, and he zeroes in on it, but he doesn't let himself get his hopes up. He's stopped hoping already. It hurt. So when the door opens he goes on the defensive, backing himself into a corner and curling up.

Seeing Rean doesn't help. It just abruptly brings all the shame he'd buried back to the surface, and with that he's just... angry. Logically he knows there's nothing to be mad at Rean for, but he's not thinking logically. There's just a lot of unreasonably bitter thoughts -- why is Rean even here now? Where was he when Crow was calling for him? How dare he look at him with sympathy, like Crow's not totally strong and together and fine -- it just makes him feel not okay.

Crow's not going to be eagerly falling into Rean's arms, at least not while he's shocked and on edge. In fact he's straight-up avoiding him, even if Rean's just trying to get him free of all the restraints. It's not the best look on him -- battered and bruised and covered in scratches and welts, he's visibly lost weight and he's visibly not all there. He doesn't have anything sensible to say so he just says nothing.]

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 10:22 am (UTC)(link)
[He really doesn't want to be seen like this. It's stupid, but he's furious just that Rean is being kind. That of course he's not alone and now all of Crow's friends are going to see him a mess. It's not fair on Rean but nothing in the last six weeksish has been fair on Crow so he doesn't give a shit. (He does actually, he's just decided not to.)]

Go away.

[Not the nicest thing to say to your rescuer but he's actually panicking at the very idea of how humiliating this could all be, and it's hard to direct that emotion. Rean is there and it's the thought of Rean pitying him, of Class VII seeing those tapes, that's making Crow upset, so it's Rean he's lashing out at. He looks every bit the hissing feral kitten just pulled out of a storm drain.]

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 10:43 am (UTC)(link)
[He'll take the coat at least, though he's looking at Rean like he's expecting him to hit him and ready to hit back. It's dumb. He's tucking himself into the coat and breathing in Rean's scent, but he's also glaring at him like it's his fault Crow's in here.]

I don't need you. And if you don't get all those people out of here I'm going to kill them.

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 10:54 am (UTC)(link)
You too.

[He wants Rean's eyes off him stat. It feels like he's being stared through, and that's a vulnerability he doesn't like.]

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 11:01 am (UTC)(link)
Fine.

[Not fine but if it gives him some space he'll take it. He needs to destroy any recordings that haven't been taken away yet, for one.]

Just go.

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 11:17 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh he's absolutely going to wreck it. Once Rean is gone he very calmly gets dressed, then picks up something hefty and just starts smashing. He doesn't give a single fuck if the RMP considers this evidence. Anything left in this room is going to be left in tiny pieces, even if it means giving himself more cuts and scrapes punching and stepping on things.

So there's a lot of breaking things noises. And also a lot of yelling because he has a lot of steam to blow off. He's not saying anything worth listening to he's just cursing and screaming and generally being a disaster.]

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 11:33 am (UTC)(link)
[He takes awhile. He has to smash everything, and hit the unsmashable things until his knuckles bleed. After that he has to take a moment to break down crying, overwhelmed by emotion that hurts every bit as bad as the torture had.

He does eventually come out. He's puffy-eyed and bleeding here and there and he leans heavily on the doorframe, but he's upright and that's doing pretty well. He's tired. The only reason he can move this much is adrenaline. He really ought to be on a stretcher but instead he's gesturing with the metal pipe in his hand, with raw pain and fury and nothing else in his eyes.]

Where are they?

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 11:56 am (UTC)(link)
[His anger is tempered just a little bit when he looks at Rean, because underneath the horror Crow absolutely adores Rean. Claire on the other hand he'd gladly have shot before all this so it's a real wonder he doesn't start swinging. It's not remotely hard to tell he wants to.]

Look, Lady Ironblood, I don't give a damn about due process. This isn't about you. I'm not pressing charges so unless they were doing something that's actually your business you should fuck off. And leave the tapes.

[He's not waiting for an answer. He's unsteady on his feet but he's still taking off to search for murder targets.]

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 12:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Don't talk to me like I don't know what I'm doing!

[No way. Crow is not at all receptive to being talked down.]

This is their idea of justice. They don't care about the police so they're not going to be protected by them. End of story.

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 12:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Hah! You really think I'm more like you than them? That's rich.

[He uses the pipe to shove Rean out of the way and try to walk past.]

If the RMP wants to defend these bastards they can try. I'm sure they'd love an excuse to take me down. Aidios knows they're probably jerking off to those recordings right now.

[personal profile] filetofish 2018-06-19 12:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm already no better, in case you forgot.

[He can't bring himself to swing at Rean. Still, being stopped just makes him anxious. If he can't take out his feelings on the people who hurt him then they're going to boil over.]

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