This has spoilers for tocs 2 end game

[reanbeanmachine]

[Crow's wounds required immediate treatment, and while he was in the care of Heimdallr's hospital something went... Wrong. Word got out somehow who he was, leader of that terrorist group, the sniper whose bullet set off the war. Some bribes, some shady dealings, and before the intelligence agency or RMP could react, he was home from his room.

Luckily for Crow by the time he's kidnapped he's in stable condition, and his captors want him to recover, so he's been transported carefully. Where he finds himself though, well that's hard to say when he wakes up chained to a bed in a featureless room with no windows, and a drain on the floor. At least his bandages are fresh.]

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[filetofish]

[It's clear he's not going to win this one. Crow could leave and go back on his own right now and it still wouldn't stop Rean.

He wants to scream. There's so much he could say, that he wants to say, but it feels useless, so he keeps it to himself.]

...Okay.

[He's deflated again. He wants to keep arguing but he's tired, and in pain (he'll never not be, now), and too afraid of everything to do so effectively. He can't argue that he can handle himself when it took all his mental strength to travel here without melting down from being in public. He hasn't even told Rean that and he's already beaten, so... So. He fucked up, and now he's just going to retreat to his room so he can cry without Rean seeing it.

He feels so weak. He hates it. He wants to die.]

[awakenerd]

[He makes breakfast, bringing up a tray and leaving it by Crow's door before getting dressed himself. He calls Valimar to come watch the dorm, for Crow's safety, then heads out.

On the train he calls Jusis and they talk for a little while.

His discussion with he intelligence division is easier than he hoped. His agreement to any job and to play up the war hero he's been declining, along with agreeing that Crow's his responsibility and the assurance that the acting lord of kreuzen province is willing to help look after Crow, earns him Ordine's release, scheduled up be delivered to Bareahard by the end of the week. He has that long to get his things in order too, before his first mission briefing.

It's actually still mid afternoon by the time he's back, bringing in food from the cafe and knocking on Crow's door.]

[filetofish]

[The knock makes him jump, but at least Rean can't see it. Crow is determined to hide as much as he can, so Rean won't feel the need to make any more dumb decisions for his sake.

He's visibly tired answering the door, though, and he hasn't touched the breakfast Rean left. He ate a little junk food this morning and that's clearly enough.]

...Welcome back.

[awakenerd]

Thanks. Mind if I come in?

[He's so worried but if he doesn't treat Crow a little normal than isn't that just worse? He holds the package up, it smells appetizing, or it should. ]

I'm pretty hungry. You?

[filetofish]

[It does smell nice... Crow's not so sure though. On the one hand he hasn't gotten much pleasant food lately, but on the other eating just makes him nauseous at this point so he's been avoiding it.

He supposes it doesn't matter. He wants to be around Rean, so he'll deal with the inevitable fussing.]

Mm. You can come in if you want.

[Crow's moving out of the doorway, just to go flop on his bed.]

[awakenerd]

[Coming in and sitting next to Crow, unpacking the food and handing some over.]

Eat up, while it's still hot.

[filetofish]

[Crow ought to be agreeable. If he wants Rean to think he's still capable, he can't just go all listless. So reluctantly he takes his share and starts to cautiously pick at it.

It's the worst. It tastes good, and nostalgic, and he wants to shovel it all into his mouth at once, but he can't trust his own body to handle it if he did. He kinda wants to cry, but he's stubborn so instead he's nibbling at it with a blank expression.]

Thanks.

[awakenerd]

[He's trying not to creepily watch Crow every second so he starts eating himself.]

Want to play Blade tonight? I'm taking the week off from class.

[filetofish]

[!

You have his attention, Rean.]

Sure.

[There are some things he'll still perk up for, it turns out.]

[awakenerd]

[That's a relief. And all Rean really wants to do is spend time with Crow being normal, for as long as they can. ]

Don't think I'll go easy on you.

[filetofish]

I'd be insulted if you did.

[He knows things aren't going to be okay. He knows, but it'll be easier on Rean if Crow can make himself look functional. So he smiles, even while he sits there barely eating, looking like he got run over.]

[awakenerd]

[They can talk more about serious things tomorrow. It's already been a stressful enough day, so Rean gently bullies Crow into eating a little more, if he can, before breaking out the Blade deck. ]

[filetofish]

[He does eat a bit more -- not a lot but more than crumbs, so it counts. He shows some enthusiasm for Blade, too. He smiles, and laughs, and for a little while it almost feels like everything is okay again. Like they were never apart.]

[awakenerd]

[It's almost painful, how much he wants this to last forever, to never have been taken away. He keeps them both up late, not wanting to sleep, but eventually it's time to turn in. ]

Is it okay if I stay in here?

[filetofish]

Eeh... I want you to, but I might freak out on you if I actually sleep.

[Nightmares and all that. Things he's trying to pretend got better while he was gone when they didn't at all.]

[awakenerd]

That's fine.

[It's not like he thinks Crow isn't a completely mess.]

[filetofish]

[Rean's so good. Crow doesn't deserve his patience but he wants it, so he'll do his best not to make it harder. Right now that means keeping laughing.]

I might do other things too.

[awakenerd]

[He's not clueless in the context, but he is going to stare Crow straight in the eyes.]

Do you want to?

[filetofish]

[Crow didn't expect such an honest response, so he flushes at the question, laughing to cover for it.]

Don't I always? You're just too cute not to be into.

[awakenerd]

[Crow blushing is pretty cute, it's almost cute enough to distract from worrying, but not really.]

I don't know about that. But I already said I loved you, I'm not going to pretend I'm not into you.

[filetofish]

I said I love you too, didn't I?

[He means that, but to be honest he's actually really scared to sleep with Rean. Will he be able to see just Rean and not bad memories? What would it be like with a body as damaged as Crow's?]

[awakenerd]

Yeah. I'm just saying you don't have to be so surprised that I'd want you.

[He's nervous, just in general but also mainly about Crow's... Everything. How he might mess up just be existing if they do anything, but he doesn't want to not if Crow's really into trying. It's weird and complicated and he doesn't know what to do so he's just relying on being himself.]

I don't want to do anything you don't want to. I'm happy just sleeping next to you.

[filetofish]

I want to.

[He wants to do everything, just to prove he can. That he's stronger than his pain and scars. That he loves Rean the most.

Crow shoves the remains of the game onto the floor like the mess he is and scoots over to climb onto Rean.]

I've wanted all of you for a long time.

[awakenerd]

[His breath catches and he goes totally still. Not because he doesn't want this, but because his heart is racing and he's not sure where to put his hands. He settles for the top of Crow's thighs, uncertain and delicate and scared of this going wrong and desperate for the contact, the chance to give Crow even a little bit of something good.]

I feel the same. Wanting all of you. It's greedy, but since I want to be all yours too, I don't mind being greedy.

[filetofish]

I don't mind either. I'm greedy too, after all.

[Greedy enough to straddle Rean's lap and kiss him hard, at the very least.]