reanbeanmachine | This has spoilers for tocs 2 end game

[Crow's body hurts so much, but the delightful sting of Rean leaving marks is no less amazing for that. In fact it might be even better, a distraction and a twisting of the pain into pleasure that he really needs.

But he still needs more. More and more and more until he can prove that real, good sex is better than any drug-fueled intensity. He needs to prove he can do things that aren't broken. His breath is shaky, soft noises escaping, and his hands are too-fast and needy as they slide over Rean's bare skin to fumble with his belt.]

[He is really distracted by those noises and touches, but not so much he can't add a few more marks to Crow's neck before Crow's got his belt undone and he has to let go and pull back enough to help get his own pants off.]

[Crow should stop and get undressed too, but he's too wound up to pause even a little. He's always been a sexually open kind of guy, but he'd have to admit he's never been nearly this frantic to get a dick in his mouth. He's sliding down, hands on Rean's thighs, and he couldn't slow down if he tried.

It's too manic and he knows that, but he just needs. He needs the good memories. He needs to see and hear and feel Rean, to prove he's real and Crow's here and it's not a dream. He needs to be good and useful and he needs to know he can be those things without hurting himself, on his own decision. He's absolutely conditioned to give himself now, but he wants to be doing it of his own will, for his own selfish reasons. As long as he's the one acting, as long as he's choosing what to do, he's less afraid, even though he's feeling totally out of control.]

[Rean was going to complain that Crow is wearing too much but then Crow is moving between his legs and he's distracted.

Of course he's already hard, it'd be impossible not to be in the situation, with the way Crow's touch sends shivers through him and even the frantic, desperate need is erotic, if alarming. He doesn't know if it's a good idea to let Crow go this fast but he doesn't know if any of this is a GOOD idea. They both need it anyway, to feel each other.

His fingers slide into Crow's hair, gently, and he sits up to look at him, voice a little choked.]

Crow...

[He wants so badly to be touching more of Crow, making Crow feel good, but it's difficult to form words right this exact moment.]

Let me.

[He breathes against Rean, fingers digging lightly into his skin as he takes him into his mouth. He doesn't want to stop. He doesn't even want to think.

He's not going to make it easy for Rean to think, either. By now Crow's unfairly aware of what feels good, and although he's hasty he's certainly not cutting corners. He wants Rean's complete attention -- he wants him not to be able to worry, too busy with the pleasure Crow's throwing at him full-force.]

[Crow's successful at shorting out Rean's brain at least. Successful at getting the reactions he's been wanting all this time, too. It's impossible to stay silent or even keep his voice down with what's Crow's doing, and Crow has his full, undivided attention. He's moaning and holding onto Crow's hair as gently as he can under the circumstances, pupils totally blown as he looks down at Crow and just cannot form anything other than Crow's name, over and over, with a few that's so good-- cut off in more completely lewd noises of enjoyment.]

[Crow pushes it all the way to the end, not letting up for even a moment. He's not even considering it one-sided, he just wants to be overwhelming. He wants to be enough -- and he's a little afraid of being the one acted on, if he's honest. That's why he's greedy enough not to stop until Rean's over the edge, unless Rean makes him.]

[He won't stop him, he told Crow he wouldn't. It's not like he exactly wants to stop either, except for his innate desire to want to reciprocate this. It's not like Crow getting him off will stop him from being able to though, so he's warning Crow when he's close, tugging at his hair and panting out between desperate little whines.]

Crow--Crow I'm about to--

[That's cute too. Rean's reactions are pleasure enough as far as Crow's concerned, so he looks up and makes eye contact as he does it, pulling him over with a roll of his tongue. He wants to memorize the look on Rean's face. It's a precious thing, after all.

Crow's completely shameless about it, swallowing as much as he can and then pulling back with swollen lips and the sticky remains of Rean's cum trailing from his tongue and down his chin. His face is flushed and he's winded, breathing in erratic, shaky gasps as he looks up at Rean with open affection and want.]

Rean... I love you.

[That seems really important to say, all of a sudden.]

[His expression is dazed but he's reaching down to drag Crow up so he can kiss him despite feeling shaky and bonelessly overwhelmed.]

Love you too.

[He murmurs against Crow's lips before kissing him breathlessly. Crow's too erotic and Rean needs a minute to recover but he can take that minute kissing Crow as fiercely as his orgasm-addled brain can handle.]

[Crow's lips are slick and his tongue is salty, and it makes no difference in how passionately he kisses Rean.

He could do this all day. He could spend all week watching Rean's face and listening to his voice. Unfortunately he's also tired and mashing his own trauma buttons so while he's taking Rean's face in his hands and kissing him desperately, making tiny needy noises into his mouth, he's also feeling awfully dizzy. He's just determined not to show it, which isn't that hard when he genuinely wants nothing more than to keep touching Rean until he dies.]

[He really doesn't care that Crow tastes like his own cum at the moment, he probably wouldn't care ever honestly. He just wants to kiss him. But after a moment of actually semi-catching his breath he's tangling his fingers in Crow's hair and settling a hand on his hip and complaining as he breaks the kiss.]

You're wearing too much.

[He's not psychic enough to tell Crow is half passing out, he just wants to give back some of what Crow's given him. Not even that, he just wants to make Crow feel good almost as desperately as Crow wants to make him feel good.]

Hmmm... I guess that's true.

[He's glad Rean isn't psychic. Crow has no intention of backing down, after all -- he'll drag himself to the finish line without fainting or else. Right now that means sitting back to pull his shirt over his head -- and all associated layers since he's a layers master on par with Jusis.

It is a little weird, though. Rean's already felt his scars but he's a bit self-conscious of actually showing them. There are just so many, and some are still dark and fresh.]

[Rean will help as much as Crow lets him and as much use as it is to have someone helping. He's not going to comment on the scars, he's going to do his best not to draw attention to the fact that he notices them and hates them, dragging his fingers over Crow's chest without hesitation and leaning in to kiss his jaw while his hands drop to help work on his pants.]

[Crow is happy to let Rean help. He's more than happy to let Rean touch him as much as he wants. Of course he's scared at the same time, but it's Rean and that overrides most of it. As much as he wants to feel useful and effective he also wants to feel attractive and wanted -- who doesn't? He always did want that, but the old Crow was confident in his looks and in his general existence, and new Crow is pretty sure he's useless and disgusting, so he's a lot more sensitive to how he's being perceived.

He leans into Rean's hands without hesitation, letting Rean get his pants undone and then throwing his arms around his shoulders and, without warning, rolling them. He could have gotten off the bed to get the pants the rest of the way off, but this is more fun, and it's easier to not pass out when he's flopped on his back.]

[He's fine with being on top honestly. Not as confident as he would be if Crow weren't hideously traumatized but it's hard to feel confident straddling a guy when you aren't sure when your next move is going to trigger some horrific memory.

Still he's doing his best not to show that he's scared of that. It's not fair to Crow if he acts like Crow's fragile, even if Crow really is.

He's gentle, less intense than Crow's manic desperation, but still in enough of a hurry to free Crow from his pants that he's not taking his time pulling them off and stroking his thighs, sliding down between his legs when he's got Crow naked and had a chance to admire him for a moment.]

[This is already far away from those memories -- it's gentle, loving, in a nice safe bed, with someone Crow really loves. Even if he can't help being fucked up about it, there's value in that, right? And that's why he's able to keep it together now, watching Rean and breathing unsteadily.]

[He strokes Crow's thighs with his fingers, flushed and excited and nervous and scared of fucking up and just as determined to keep going.]

If you need me to stop remember you can say so.

[Just. He can't entirely avoid saying that. He has to remind Crow for his own peace of mind before he scoots down and gets his mouth around Crow's dick. Going at it more gently and slowly than Crow's extreme overwhelming but still not trying to go too slow.]

I know.

[He does, and that's a huge thing. He hasn't been able to say "stop" in what feels like forever. The echoes of that are all over his body and mind, but Rean's... comforting. Different. Crow knows he always could have trusted any of his friends but Rean in particular makes him feel safe. He'll be scared for a long time, but he'll have that.

He's doing his best to focus on that safe feeling now. Rean's mouth feels heavenly, but the more pleasure Crow feels the more his nerves alight in confused over-sensitivity. It hurts, and it feels amazing, and both of those things are more intense than they should be.

But Rean's safe. Crow loves him. So though his erratic breath is picking up in shallow speed, though he's gripping the sheets ruthlessly rather than yank on Rean's hair, he's not going to tell him to stop. He doesn't want him to. He just wants to pull all his own skin off a little.

He settles, instead, for biting his lip and allowing himself to make tiny whimpering noises.]

[As signals for "is this blowjob going okay" go, Rean's getting pretty mixed messages. But Crow isn't telling him to stop and he's hard in Rean's mouth so he's just hoping it's fine. He can't exactly ask without interrupting himself and at this point he's pretty sure he's not doing anything that should hurt Crow.

All the same he goes a little more gently. No less enthusiastic, no less attempting to override trauma with himself, but definitely trying hard to respond to even the littlest tells that something is good, attentive and perhaps surprisingly clever with his tongue, attention keyed entirely to Crow. Gently rubbing Crow's thigh with a thumb in a consciously soothing but also pleasant way.

It's gratifying when he can tell something is good but it's surprisingly difficult to decide which noises are panic and which are pleasure.]

Nn- Ah... Rean.

[It's hard to talk. He's feeling too much, and he's trying to cover for it at least a little but he can't do so entirely. He forces himself to take in big gasps, to slow him down and keep from hyperventilating, and lifts one hand to pet Rean's hair, shaky but determined to make this not horrible.]

Don't slow down. You're-- I want... more...

[Moremoremore-- it's not at all sane and he knows it but he wants to take in everything at once. He also wants to run away, but he's trying to clamp down on that urge. He's denying any pained sounds, too, trying to separate them out from the pleasured ones he also wants to make. It's hard to keep track of but he wants Rean to enjoy it so he'll detangle the needy moans from the agonized whines and release only the former.]

[He's really not sure how much more he can offer like this, but he makes a noise of agreement anyway, speeding up, using his hands more to help fondle and touch, throwing himself fully into getting Crow off as enthusiastically as possible.

He knows Crow is forcing himself but he's doing his best to at least make it good.

The hand in his hair is nice but he really can't afford to get too distracted by how lovely and erotic and worrying Crow is when he has his mission; more. So he's trying to be as overwhelming as possible.]

[It's not hard to overwhelm Crow at this point but Rean would be doing a good job of it even if he weren't totally physically fucked up on that front. Maybe he doesn't have the same experience as Crow but he's paying such close attention, trying so hard, it makes up for that.

Besides, it's Rean. Even if it were the worst head ever Crow'd still be able to get off just on watching him do it. Since it's far from the worst, he doesn't remotely have to force himself to enjoy it. He crumbles easily into panting and quiet begging -- also not sane but "please more" and just Rean's names aren't unpleasant things to be saying so it's fine. It's fine it's fine it's too much but it's fine, right up til the end. Orgasm really is too fuckin much, so he fails utterly to hide the pain in the way he cries out.

He covers his mouth with both hands though, to quiet it. And it's not like there isn't a hell of a lot of pleasure in that sound too. It's just... both. Afterwards he can't make himself calm down, so he keeps his eyes squeezed shut against the stinging in them and his hands clamped muffling the tiny squeaky distressed noises coming out.]

[It's alarming but most of what Crow does these days is. Rean swallows what he's got in his mouth and leans up quickly, sure that you aren't supposed to sound super in pain from orgasm. Sure Crow also obviously enjoyed that, Rean has the proof on his own tongue, but he's not sure if this is just more of how Crow's messed up or if he genuinely hurt him somehow or both, so he's deeply concerned.]

Crow?

[He's reaching to touch Crow's face, trying to move not too abruptly, not look as alarmed as he feels.]

Hey, did I hurt you? Do you need anything?

[He flinches away from Rean's hand, scooting back and sitting up when he's got a bit more space. He doesn't want to but he pulls his hands away from his mouth just enough to try to say something reassuring.]

You didn't hurt me. You... Thanks.

[He wanted to prove he could do it and he did! Feeling awful isn't Rean's fault. Rean did his best and Crow is genuinely grateful that Rean didn't stop or treat him too delicately. He doesn't want to be delicate. Buut he kinda is. He's a mess in every way, and he's wobbly and almost swaying when he gets up out of bed but he's on his feet and that's good enough.]

Sorry I'm... like this.

[That's clearly all he needs to say right? No, he knows they need to communicate but instead he's going to pulls his pants back on and head for the door.]

Gonna run to the bathroom.

['Cause y'know he can lock himself in there and not come out for a few days and it'd be Okay.]

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