This has spoilers for tocs 2 end game

[reanbeanmachine]

[Crow's wounds required immediate treatment, and while he was in the care of Heimdallr's hospital something went... Wrong. Word got out somehow who he was, leader of that terrorist group, the sniper whose bullet set off the war. Some bribes, some shady dealings, and before the intelligence agency or RMP could react, he was home from his room.

Luckily for Crow by the time he's kidnapped he's in stable condition, and his captors want him to recover, so he's been transported carefully. Where he finds himself though, well that's hard to say when he wakes up chained to a bed in a featureless room with no windows, and a drain on the floor. At least his bandages are fresh.]

Comments

[awakenerd]

[He rubs his thumb lightly over Crow's arm, not really holding him tight even though he wants to. This is enough, Crow is warm against him, and solid and real and alive. And he hopes, eventually, this won't feel so fragile.]

Okay. You going to be able to sleep?

[filetofish]

Think so.

[Probably. Maybe. He'd rather be unable to sleep next to Rean than unable to sleep by himself, anyway, so it doesn't matter.]

If not I'll just draw on your face or something.

[See he's fine. If he can joke he's fine, right??]

[awakenerd]

Leave my face out of your insomnia.

[He sighs. But it's not testy or anything, just a comeback. He's settling a little more comfortably, carefully adjusting so it's not too abrupt but so he can actually get cozy enough to maybe fall back asleep himself.

Assuming he can sleep with Crow next to him. On the one hand, that seems safe and cozy and on the other he might be too aware of not wanting to jostle Crow.]

[filetofish]

We'll see.

[But he likes Rean's face! He's also pretty sure his attachment has gotten undeniably obvious, but he resists the urge to say anything cute for now. He's tired. Rean is tired. He's going to do his actual best to sleep.

And he does! In fact he falls asleep almost immediately -- he's more worn out than he is uncomfortable. Right now he could probably sleep through an explosion, so a little maybe-fake pain isn't stopping him.

He does dream more though. At first it's nightmares again, so he twitches and whines, but then Rean's warmth registers and instead he just clings onto him, without ever waking up. He's holding onto Rean like a life raft, and under his breath he mutters his name, not in distress but sweetly, with a soft smile on his sleeping face.]

[awakenerd]

[He's noticed but it's hard to think it's more than, well, trauma and fondness. He also notices when Crow starts twitching and whining, thinks about waking him up. But before he can Crow settles and Rean is just falling back asleep when hearing his name makes him look at Crow.

He expects Crow to be awake, but he blinks when he realizes that peaceful smile and slack expression means he's still asleep. But it doesn't seem like a nightmare he's being called in, so that's good.

It's hard not to just keep watching Crow's sleeping face after that, though.]

[filetofish]

[It's a cute sleeping face. Rean's warmth, his scent are seeping into Crow's dreams, colouring them with thoughts of him -- Rean, cutting through the horror and pulling him out. Rean, making that flat face while Crow teases him in the cafe. Rean, smiling at him as they talk about things Crow hasn't ever actually tried to talk about in real life.

His fingers twitch against Rean's side, the echo of an affectionate gesture.]

... mm ... Rean ... the most ...

[He's mumbling snippets, but it's a glimpse into his private thoughts that Rean may or may not want.]

[awakenerd]

[He's curious, absolutely. He also, absolutely, does not want to invade Crow's privacy. But waking Crow up seems like a bad option too.

It's a tricky situation, and he ends up carefully, gently lifting a hand to snag a pillow and shove it over his own face. Maybe that'll make it difficult to understand Crow's mumbles.]

[filetofish]

[They were soft, gentle mumbles. But then he shifts again, pulling Rean closer, and snickers against his chest.]

Hehe... it's soft.

[You're stuck with this Rean.]

[awakenerd]

[Save him.

But he doesn't want to wake Crow when he seems to be having good dreams so he just pulls the pillow off his face and stares at the ceiling, absently brushing his fingers through the wisps of Crow's hair.]

[filetofish]

[That feels nice when, y'know, he's too asleep to actually register it and let it turn into something terrible. Deep in his dreams he's happy right now, teasing Rean in a fantasy where they're more than friends, where nothing hurts and nothing is frightening and he doesn't choke on the things he really wants to say.

But then he moves wrong, rolling further onto Rean, and the pain from cracked ribs steals his breath. It doesn't quite wake him up -- spoilers, he's in enough pain all the time that he's sleeping through it from pure exhaustion he still hasn't recovered from -- but it's enough to shatter his happy dream like glass. In the dream he's looking down to see blood pouring from a wound he just knows is going to kill him, and when he looks for Rean he's gone fuzzy, with his back turned. Suddenly Crow's being dragged away from him, and no amount of calling after him gets Rean to turn back -- to notice him at all, while he's being pulled by anonymous hands into a pool of water that burns.

Right, everything is terrible after all. He's alone, and everything hurts, and someone he can't see is pushing him down--

Externally his smile fades, replaced by a troubled expression and a lot more active squirming. In maybe twenty seconds he goes from content to distressed, a small whine the only warning before he's shoving Rean away from him with frantic force. It's enough movement to wake him up but only partly -- he's half stuck in the nightmare, and Rean's the only physical presence, so Crow's trying to get away from him as if he's a threat. The issue is he's between Rean and the wall so his terror is skyrocketing a lot faster than his actual consciousness.]

[awakenerd]

[He doesn't know what to do, it's so fast. He touches Crow's shoulder, shaking gently, voice raised and firm, trying to sound grounding rather than anxious.]

Crow. Hey. Wake up. It's a bad dream.

[filetofish]

[Nope nope touching is bad. He's waking up but he's already caught in a panic attack, a flashback, so being conscious doesn't make much difference. Reality isn't really registering, just that someone is touching him and he has to get away. He has to fight it. So he's shoving Rean's hand away, looking at him with wild eyes that don't recognise him at all.]

[awakenerd]

Crow! Snap out of it.

[He doesn't know if saying that will help at all, Crow obviously isn't seeing him or hearing him.]

[filetofish]

Get away from me!

[It doesn't matter that it's just Rean. He's not even seeing Rean. It's too hard to pull himself out of overwhelming terror -- he can't get past Rean without touching him, either, so instead he's backing himself into the corner and making himself small.]

[awakenerd]

Crow.

[He sits up, but doesn't try to get close to him, voice gentle and steady.]

Hey, it's me. You're safe.

[filetofish]

No.

[No he's not? Obviously he's not. There's no such thing as safe. Rean's gentle voice is helping, but Crow's shaking like a leaf, and once the world starts to make a little more sense he buries his face in his hands, unable to stop himself from a small, frightened noise. He hurts. Everything hurts, and he can't shake the sense that he's being watched. How can he possibly be safe?]

I shouldn't have come in here.

[awakenerd]

I'm glad you did. Crow... Hey, I'm right here. I'd rather be here with you than have you alone for this. Maybe that's selfish, but it's true.

[filetofish]

I want to be alone.

[He really does. Enough so that he's braving the fear of touch to try to crawl out of the bed, putting as much space between himself and Rean as he can. He wants to leave. He doesn't want Rean to look at him.]

[awakenerd]

[He doesn't know if he should let Crow leave and he's also sure he shouldn't make him stay. He scoots back to give Crow room.]

I can go get some tea if you want, for both of us.

[filetofish]

No thanks.

[He doesn't look at Rean. He's too humiliated by his own fear. He feels weak. Useless. But he doesn't want to be watched, so he's just going to slink off to his room and lock the door, unless Rean does something to stop him.]

[awakenerd]

[He definitely has the sense he shouldn't let Crow go, and so he tries again, before Crow can get out of his room.]

Crow wait, please.

[filetofish]

Why?

[Hey at least he's listening. He's tempted to ignore Rean and run off, but he stops, still leaning towards the door like he's ready to bolt.]

[awakenerd]

[What can he even say to convince him? He can only tell the truth.]

I just... Want you to stay. There isn't a grand reason or anything. I like you being here. I can sleep on the wall side, so you have more room.

[filetofish]

...

[He's quiet for a few beats, watching the wall rather than meet Rean's eyes. Rean's honest, but honesty for Crow would mean talking about how vulnerable he feels, and how frightened, and that's just too much.]

I really just want to be alone. I can't-- ...I just do.

[awakenerd]

I'm not going to force you to stay, I'm never going to. I'm not going to make you talk either. But it just... It feels like if you go that's wrong, like you're pulling back and I can't catch hold of you without hurting something. It scares me.