reanbeanmachine | gross au

[And Crow appreciates that, given he's seen what happens when this Rean doesn't trust you. It's not very nice.

Still, the trust is definitely... bittersweet. He knows more than anyone how that feels, to be drawn to someone and not understand. To be lost, to be angry... He doesn't want Rean to have to feel all those things. And yet he's grateful for it, because it means he's making an impact, in some small way.

He's going to try really hard to be kind and cautious. It's not his normal MO but it's what Rean seems to need, and the thing Crow needs is Rean. So he's going to slowly and carefully drop his hand onto Rean's head and pet him, giving him a tender smile that's still, despite his best efforts, terribly sad.]

You're a pain like this... but you're kind of cute. The same as always, isn't it?

[He's. Tense. Wary. But the fact that all Crow does is pet his hair has him cautiously relaxing and leaning towards Crow, until all at once he flops on him, leaning on his side, demonic eyes closing.

So he likes petting, and maybe he's also tired from being in constant stress mode.

Hey if Crow's lucky Rean will wake up himself. Of course this isn't meant to be, but he seems willing to just relax on Crow in this uncomfortable position on the floor.]

[It's.... It's weird, actually, watching Rean relax. He looks more like himself. There's a big part of Crow that wants to hug him tight and not let go until he hears that familiar voice say his name. But he can't. That won't fix it -- he tried the hugging thing, and he's already sworn not to let Rean see that he's hurting so much. He's got to get better at covering it up. Can't let anything out, for both their sakes.

So he's not going to jostle Rean with clinging, and he's not going to let himself collapse. He's going to sit here pretting Rean til his legs go numb and his arm's sore though, for the chance to feel Rean's warmth.

He almost dozes off again, but there's a knock at the door. Whether Rean gets up when Crow wriggles out from beside him or not, he's being very cautious in approaching. Goddess knows what might show up. Ultimately after some clever peeking he unlocks the door and cracks it open to growl under his breath at the people on the other side.]

What do you want? We already arranged everything.

[The voice, if Rean's up and can hear it, is the landlord's. He starts out mundane -- introducing the building manager, as a guy who can get you what you need... He's in the business of providing for people. Which of course sounds shady to Crow but then the guy's introducing himself and casually drops Crow's name, and that's when things get tense.]

...Hold on a sec.

[Stiff from head to toe Crow shuts the door, then comes over to tug Rean up and gently shove him towards the basement.]

You need to go downstairs. Now.

[Rean makes a complaining noise at the knock already, and gets progressively more tense as the voices continue and as Crow gets more tense, until there's a low, guttural noise building in the back of his throat and he basically radiates murder.

He lets Crow touch him, but he doesn't move after he's standing, glaring at the door.]

[The upside to being the mess Crow is right now is that he's not afraid of being killed, so that kind of narrows down the number of things to be afraid those men are going to do. The downside is he's more freaked out than he'd usually be in general -- not just because he's been hurt in the last few days but because he's been reminded that if he gets caught they can erase him all over again. Maybe they wouldn't have done it just for struggling, but they'll sure as hell do it for escaping with Rean and tearing through the troops, and he can't take the chance that they'd get better at it the second time.

But it's actually Rean he's more afraid for. Rean's soft. Rean's already been pushed to this kind of breaking point -- if they got caught, if Rean got hurt more, what if he could never come back?

He does a pretty good job of hiding the fear but he can't hide the tension. He figures pushing Rean harder could backfire so instead he's gently taking his face in his hands, trying to get Rean to look him in the eyes.]

Rean, no. Look at me. We can't get caught here. You have to hide, and don't come out unless I call you. ...Please understand me.

[He goes... Still. The tension is keying him up real bad but more in a way that he's ready to just fight whoever is on the other side of the door than anything.

It's debatable how well he understands Crow but he does make a noise that sounds kind of like... disagreement and protest? You know, except echoey and insane.]

Shh.

[It's hard to breathe steady but he's forcing himself to. No one's even made a threat but he just... knows. Whatever's about to happen, it's going to suck. But he can't can't can't let them get taken in, and if they go murdering people it's going to get harder and harder to hide. He's got to try to avoid that, too.

He doesn't know how to soothe Rean but he's trying resting his forehead against Rean's, making quiet, soothing shushing noises and praying he's got time to get Rean safely hidden.]

It's okay. I won't die again. You already won me back, right? Even if you don't remember right now... Trust me. I love you.

[That's something he's only ever said once -- that one golden night where he let himself pretend they could be together, back before he left Rean. But it's still true, even when Rean's like this. Even when Crow didn't remember. He'd regretted letting it slip that time, but he's saying it deliberately now, in an attempt to reach the real Rean under the surface.]

[Words continue to be impossible to understand, but meaning isn't. He calms down. Doesn't get less tense because raw animal instinct is telling him to murder whoever's on the other side of the door but he seems, you know, calm enough to push into the basement, probably.

Odds of him staying there if Crow makes any discernible noises of distress in his hearing are very low though.]

Thank you.

[And Rean goes into the basement. Which, fortunately, has a really solid metal door with a really solid lock cause Crow knows he won't stay put. He's gonna not think about the probable human trafficking that's gone on in here cause he can't do anything about it and right now it's convenient to lock Rean in! Which he does.

And then he goes to open the door properly. The basement is designed not to let sound out but it doesn't let a lot in, either, so Rean's stuck hearing snippets. What he does get isn't great, though.

He should be able to sense there's four or five people coming in, but voices are, at first, kept low. It's a faded murmur, mostly Crow talking to the building manager, with a few interjections from other voices. After a few minutes though, Crow's voice is way clearer, startled and audibly upset.]

--What?! No way in hell!

[But the other voices stay calm, and his quickly drops back down, though Rean can probably feel the negativity rising in the room. The quiet echo of Crow's voice is harsh, angry leading into frightened, while everyone else is just... calm. Even without hearing words or understanding them it's easy to tell who's got the advantage.

It slowly rises in pitch again, and then there's the sudden rustling and crash of a physical struggle.]

No! Get your hands off me! I'll take that damned job, but I won't--

[That's cut off, as everything goes quiet... and then the sound of footsteps approaches the door. The building manager's voice is calm and smooth, arrogant, audible because he's right there, within arm's reach of the door.

"It's a lot of money you're asking me to give up, Crow. If you won't work for it, then..."

There's the slight metallic noise of someone touching the lock. Then another crash, another brief shuffle and it's Crow who's there -- Rean can feel him, back pressed against the door, radiating panic as he stands between Rean and something he's deeply terrified of.]

Okay! Okay. Fine. Just-- ...Not here.

[The only audible response to that is laughter. On the other side of the door Crow's found himself cornered, but he won't call for help. This isn't something Rean can fix. But he is at least taking a moment to turn and rest his head against the door, knowing Rean can't see it but still echoing the pose he'd taken with him just a few minutes ago. No matter how Rean rages the door won't break, but Crow's voice isn't comforting. He sounds miserable, addressing Rean as if it'll be understood.]

...I'll be right back. Don't worry, okay? No matter what, I'm gonna protect you.

[He tries to get out as soon as the tension rises, hackles up.

Finding his literally unable to move the door, by tearing it open or kicking it down even with his strength, he starts to snarl. It drowns out some of what's audible but it's not like anyone on the other side can hear Rean literally screaming.

He's still not in his right mind but that doesn't stop him from knowing he hates whatever is happening. He doesn't have to be lucid or sane to be deeply upset, and in a way it's kind of worse not quite understanding why he so desperately needs to murder whoever is on the other side of the door with Crow.

But he can't even get out, and maybe, with his forehead pressed to the door, Crow can hear him screaming, but maybe he can't, maybe the soundproofing is too good, either way it makes no difference. Rean won't stop throwing himself at the door and trying to get out until Crow gets back anyway.]

[He's gone for about four hours. On the upside for Crow only three of those hours were absolute hell and the rest was shopping. He feels disgusting using money that was thrown at him this way (quite literally -- he had to pick the cash up off the floor as he tried to pick himself up off the floor) but it's all he has. The only things he was carrying when they ran were necessities -- bandages, medicine, that towel. He wasn't given spending money as Siegfried.

So he's using the money. Even though he's been extorted into selling himself for it, in more ways than one. Because he hasn't eaten in two days. Because neither has Rean. Because they were both wearing scraps. Because if he doesn't give in they'll be turned in, or Rean will be hurt -- and Rean's a crazy demon but as far as Crow knows his body isn't immortal. Crow's in a lot of pain, but he knows he won't die no matter how badly he's beaten or what illicit substances are forced into him. Not that Rean would go down easily, but letting him go on a murder spree would both get them caught and give Rean even more to hate himself for when he comes back, so that's off the table. And thus, Crow spends an hour flitting from shady shop to shady shop buying the cheapest possible supplies with coins that feel far heavier than they actually are.

He has to keep his head down and look normal. He doesn't want to get noticed, and collapsing would be pretty noticeable. So he stays hunkered in the ratty jacket they'd given him, thinking slightly hysterically that he never hit this kind of low even when he was a kid all alone with no home and that's just hilarious. Also hysterically, he's getting the rising sense that he's some kind of stranger in his own body. It's not really his. He's dead, so it doesn't matter how this empty corpse gets used--

About ten minutes of his time out is spent in an alleyway, laughing and crying at the same time until he pukes. But he's pulled himself together by the time he gets home, at least well enough not to look like he's sick with pain and also with some kind of shady experimental street drug that's got him feeling dizzy and anxious and out of sync with himself. It's better now than when he took it, though. He doesn't even remember the first hour. He was on another planet. Now he just feels generally shitty, but he manages to at least work up to being quietly dead inside by the time he lets Rean out. Can't do anything about smelling horrible though.

When he opens the door he's already braced for impact, but he's not remotely in the condition to actually take one.]

I'm back.

[He stopped throwing himself at the door when he felt Crow return but that's the first time he's gone silent or stopped since Crow left.

Which means technically he went silent about an hour ago when his vocal chords tore past use.

He's bloody again, and some bones are definitely cracked but it's not like Rean particularly cares? He cares only that Crow is here and smells and looks like shit and locked him away for hours and yet...

For all the fury howling in his mind drowning his personality in the madness he's tried his whole like to suppress, he doesn't attack or even step out of the basement once Crow opens the door, just glares at him balefully from the top step, mad eyes darting across him quickly, noting how he's in worse shape, not quite coherent enough to understand but hating it anyway.]

[Looking at Rean's face he almost cracks. Almost. But he's gone through plenty of hells without breaking down and he can deal with this one too. Still, there's not even a tiny bit of humor in the smile he's pasted on. He's counting on Rean being too crazy to pick it up, and hoping these memories will be fuzzy enough later that Rean won't remember the still-damp tracks down the dirt on Crow's face, or the shadows of fingers darkening his throat, or the way his hands shake as he weakly reaches out to try to give Rean a hug.]

I'm sorry, Rean.

[He's too crazy to know what to do in this situation, but he doesn't pull away from Crow, eyes narrowed sharply but letting Crow pull him into a hug.

Which feels so alien it nearly splits something in his mind, almost drags an awareness out of him, enough that one arm comes up in confusion, palm resting on Crow's back in a sort of return of the gesture in the only way his incoherent thoughts allow through his confusion.

But he decides it's not a bad thing, this touch, and soon both arms are around Crow, fingers curling into his back as he howls into his shoulder with undirected fury and anguish he doesn't understand.

Well tries to howl, no sound comes out but his mouth is open like he's trying to scream so it counts.]

[That's not the reaction he expected and Crow's not ready for it. It would have been better if Rean did pull away. Or if he just stood there, or something. Like this Crow feels like he should comfort Rean -- and he should, but he doesn't know how. It's not going to get better. He can't actually save Rean. He can only protect him from one thing at a time and there are so many things coming at them, including Rean's own loss of sanity.

Crow needs, badly, to rest. He needs comfort too, honestly, but he doesn't want to admit to that even though every bone in his body is screaming at him to cling to Rean and cry til he can't anymore. Rean's the one who's clearly already doing that. Crow's got to be the tough guy here. It's something he's used to being, so it would be fine if it weren't that everything hurts so much, and that he's alone. Rean's right here, yes, but he's not Rean and Crow feels utterly alone in a profound way. He's ditched a lot of groups of friends but he's always had friends. He's forged his own path but he's always been supported, and now he's got nobody to lean on at all.

And Rean's all hurt because he couldn't even protect him right-- Crow's burying his face against Rean's hair now, because it hides his crumpled expression, but that misery is still there in his voice, whispering that apology over and over like it'll actually fix something.]

[It's not like there isn't room for both of them to scream, not that Rean can say that, or anything, because he's nuts. So he just holds onto Crow for a bit and waits out Crow saying things he doesn't understand but instinctively knows he hates.

The calm that had maybe been creeping in before Crow left is just gone. It's so far gone. Somewhere he knows this is someone he's failing to protect from being hurt, again. And the rage is just blinding. He hates it. He's furious on such a deep level he can't get out of it, so he stands lost in emotions he's not even able to name because he can't make words, and lets Crow fail to cry.

At some point he pushes away, too restless to keep like this, fingers flexing like claws as he glances around the room and just, stalks away from Crow to flop in front of the door, pointedly leaning back against it as he slides to the floor, glaring into the room at Crow. No one can get in now. Crow can't get out now. He can't say anything and he can't really express himself meaningfully, but this communication should be clear enough. It's almost comically like a grumpy guard dog laying at the entrance.]

[Crow flinches when Rean pushes away, torn between reaching after him and just letting himself hit the floor. Ultimately he can't decide so he stands there watching Rean flop so aggressively.

It's definitely a clear communication, and it's definitely funny. But Crow has the feeling he'll get hysterical again if he starts to laugh so instead he just forces a smile and shrugs.]

Alright, I get it. I'm not going anywhere the rest of the day.

[Tomorrow it's probably going to be a fight, but for now there's food to eat. It's cheap tinned soup but it exists and Crow's going to unpack the bags and dig straight in with a spoon. He's coming over to offer Rean a can, too.]

Here. Eat.

[It... Doesn't smell like food. It just doesn't? Rean looks at it and looks at Crow and makes no moves to take it at all. Just no interest whatsoever.]

Man, I know it's not Sharon's cooking but at least try.

[Please Rean? Crow's concerned. It's been days!

He can't force him to eat though so he just sighs and sits down in front of Rean to eat his own. p

[He watches Crow but like, continues to... Show no interest....

Just none whatsoever it doesn't seem like what Crow is eating is edible.]

You'd think you'd be hungry enough to eat it even if it's bad...

[Crow sure is. It's horrible food but he's seriously hungry, so he finishes his can in no time, and even sticks his fingers in to catch anything the spoon missed. He'd just eat Rean's share but even if Rean won't eat now, they might need it later. One will have to be enough.

It takes serious effort to get up, but once he's done eating he does, to throw away the can and set Rean's aside, and to dig out the rest of what he bought today. There's a second towel, some soap, two bowls to go with the spoons, and a set of simple clothes for each of them. He grabs Rean's outfit and brings it over to him.]

Here. You can get dressed when you feel like it. I won't watch.

[He glares and makes an expression like a snarl, though no sound emerges. He's definitely not getting changed right now, and he's sure as hell not moving from this spot, so Crow can back off.]

[Okay, okay! He's backing away.]

Sorry.

[He's saying sorry a lot today but that's just how he feels so whatever. His emotions are pretty raw and he's doing as much as he can just to be functional.]

I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to, aside from stay here.

[Thanks he hates it.

He's not a very helpful and supportive boyfriend right now but he's the best dog so you know what, take it Crow.

Rean's just going to body block the door until Crow actually goes to sleep.]

[He has to take another miserable bath first, but he does eventually give up on trying to talk to Rean and climbs the stairs to the loft to sleep the sleep of the exhausted and really sad.

But y'know in the morning he has to leave again so that's gonna be fun.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject