reanbeanmachine | gross au

[Once upon a time, perhaps, a man named Giliath Osborne had been a good man, a kind father, a loving husband, a good soldier. That was a long, long time ago, long forgotten. These days, there was merely the Blood and Iron Chancellor. A man hellbent on a goal, ready to use everything to achieve it.

Currently, the latest tool from his little workshop was standing in his office facing him with a familiar face, but an unfamiliarly blank expression.

"Siegried" was the name of the doll in front of him, a creature with uses. Already, standing in front of Osborne was plenty of proof that this boy was only a shell that resembled a person, an empty vessel whose memories were sealed away.

He ran his fingertips over the boy's cheek, watching for any reaction, any flinch or concealed disgust. Nothing. Obedience. Perfect.

There was more he could test for this, and if that proved successful, this doll could be useful in very many ways indeed. His fingers lifted a lock of white hair, let it slide over his knuckles as he pulled his hand away.]

Siegfried, I want you to kneel.

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[That makes it easy for Rean to just drop down in front of him and grab his hands away from his head. Trying to make him look up.]

Crow!

[He tries to resist but he doesn't have the strength. It's all to easy to pull his hands away, nothing like the strong and stubborn person that pushed Rean to his fighting limits.

He does look up, but that's because pulling on him presses a totally different button and he jolts, automatically looking for what the most primal part of him is telling him is impending abuse. Of course Rean's not going to hurt him and most of him knows that but he's scared and that's written all over his face.]

What?!

[He's trying to sound defiant but it's high-pitched and choked so it's not working at all.]

[Oh. Of course he'd be scared, Rean wasn't thinking. He doesn't let go now, though. Just kind of leans in until their foreheads are pressed together and Crow can't hide the tears.

It should be fine though right? Since Rean's starting to cry.

And he doesn't know what to say, now, actually. Well, maybe he does.]

I missed you so much, you asshole.

[Crow still can't breathe. But now Rean's here and his hands are warm and despite how awful everything is that feels good. Seeing Rean cry, hearing his voice is making Crow cry harder too, but at least he's not trying to get away. He's just torn -- between this strangling fear of everything he's not let himself feel the last month and a half, the guilt, and the relief that his Rean is back.

It's all overwhelming and conflicting and he doesn't know what to do so he just sits there and sobs.]

I'm sorry...

[It's a lot. They've both been through a lot, and Crow's been trying to keep it together for both of them and Rean's been insane. It's not been a good time. So probably both of them crying a lot is. Fine. Rean settles on his knees, holding Crow's hands, turning it into just. Handholding now, while they cry at each other.]

You saved me.

I didn't... protect you...

[Words are kinda hard to get out right now. But here's the root of the problem. Sure he got Rean out -- out of that dungeon, out of the city -- but if he'd been stronger Rean would never have been locked up in the first place. He wouldn't have gotten hurt so badly, and he wouldn't have had to kill to survive. And even when they ran, Crow still failed to protect Rean from the dangers facing them in hiding. He took on such a huge horrible burden and it did nothing. It was pointless. Just like everything he's done.]

[He laces his fingers with Crow's and closes his eyes. What a dumb guy he's so in love with.]

You idiot.

[He's clinging to Rean's hands, breath shuddering as he tries to get it under control, to take a deep enough breath that he doesn't feel like he's about to faint.]

Uh-huh.

[Yep he's a huge idiot and everything is bad!! Except Rean. Rean's pretty great. Crow has to make sure Rean knows he feels that way, even if he's flipping out and hiding from him.]

I love you.

[Well okay he's crying harder but his eyes are open now.]

I love you too. So much. I'm really, really sorry that... I wasn't any help, this last month.

[If he'd been himself, Crow wouldn't have had to go through all that, they could have made it out of Heimdallr together ages ago.]

'S not your fault.

[It's not like Rean asked for Millium to die. He didn't ask to have that power. He didn't ask to get hurt so badly. If Crow had just saved him right then-- If Crow had just remembered sooner--]

[He definitely thinks it's his fault in some ways, he's responsible, but now isn't the time for that.]

It's not yours, either. Who knows where I'd be if not for you, right now.

[Probably even more insane, or having lost all of himself entirely, at this point.]

[Everything Rean says hurts. It's exactly what Crow wants to hear, actually, but he's so angry at himself he can't believe it. What he can do though is get it together enough to turn this hand holding into a hug. He really needs one. He's needed comfort all this time but even now he feels weak and pathetic asking.]

Mmm.

[Words are too hard he's just gonna hide his face against Rean's shoulder and whine.]

[Oh good because Rean was going to do that in a second anyway. He so badly needs this hug himself that as soon as Crow moves for it he's nearly bowling Crow over in wrapping his arms around him and holding on tight.

He's not okay. He knows Crow isn't okay, but he's also. Relieved in a way? He hasn't gotten to cry on Crow for being alive yet even, it's a lot of emotions to be having all at once.

He's pretty choked up sounding.]

Thank you. For being here. For being alive. Fo saving me.

[Crow is exceedingly easy to bowl over right now so if he weren't sitting against the door he'd probably have fallen. As it is he lets himself cling, finally, the way he's been wanting to this whole time.]

I... I couldn't have ever left you there. I never wanted to leave you--

[He left the first time because there was something he felt he needed to do. Wanted more than anything. But he hadn't actually wanted to leave. And he certainly hadn't wanted to die, when he was finally going to go home. So how could he have done anything but give his all to be with Rean this time?]

[So maybe a lot of things are traumatizing and bad but Crow is alive in his arms and it's a lot and that's all he wants to focus on right now. He's starting to sob.]

Don't ever leave me again, you big jerk.

'M not gonna.

[He's not going to let go until he has to.]

We're gonna... Ah. Go to your place. And then find everyone.

...Okay.

[Okay! Okay. Okay. Going to Ymir... Will be good for them. If they make it there.]

First, you need to sleep, and eat. And stay here in my arms for at least four more hours.

Can't argue with that.

[He's not sure he could get up right now if he wanted to. ...Actually probably he should get up so they can be inside, but he's so pooped he really doesn't know if he can. He'll chalk it up to emotional stress and not his body being threadbare.]

gross au

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