reanbeanmachine | spoilery

spoilery

[It's been 5 months since the operation in Heimdallr. It's May, and the Lino flowers have come and gone in Trista.

But Rean Schwarzer, Ashen Chevalier and Hero of Erebonia is not in Trista. His class has graduated and he's on academic leave. He's been here for three months or so, fighting the Empire's battles so the soldiers don't have to, discouraging Calvard from any real large-scale operations, and in his limited down-time, letting Lechter drag him around.

He's been going through the motions for months now, tired but pressing on. He had a week of for Class VII's graduation and then he himself was back to the front. No down time, no closure.

He doesn't think what he's doing is right, but it's also not exactly wrong. Yet every day leaves his heart heavy and weary and conflicted, his mind going round and round in uncertain circles, and that's when he's feeling energetic. A lot of the time he's still on a bit of shut-down. Emotionally, especially. He smiles when he should and he genuinely cares, especially about Altina and Millium when they're with him, but he hasn't had time to mourn, and his grief and anger have to be buried under getting the job done. Rather than physically worn down he's been emotionally fatigued for months, and being part of his father's grand plan to subjugate Crossbell really does nothing to help, but at least it keeps him occupied. Occupied, and away from almost everyone who'd have a prayer of bringing his spirits up. Even Millium doesn't really understand, sadness is too new for her, though she tries.

And while Rean is tired and fighting under the banner of the noble hero, Crow is undergoing his own little fun time. That is to say, his revival is a success, but not entirely. He's not very controllable, you see, because his memories are intact, though it takes a month or two for the pieces of them to fall fully in place. Still, somehow, his return the world is noticed by Ordine, and from Ordine Vita learns of it. After that it's only a matter of time before he's with the Anguis and not the organization who had hoped to use him. And with Vita he can catch up on everything he's missed in the months he's been dead and re-animated.

Which is presumably why he's now in Crossbell, sneaking into the room Rean's been given. It's a nice private officer's quarters, even if he's still technically a student, because the Ashen Chevalier isn't going to be bunked up in the barracks.

It's late, but someone is in the room with Rean, talking to him, when Crow arrives to listen in from whatever approach he's taken, probably air ducts. Claire, actually. She sounds worried, and Rean sounds testy, it's the end of a conversation Crow catches.]

But the Chancellor... No, your father, I'm sure--

That's enough. I'm tired.

....Then, goodnight.

[Whatever they were discussing is impossible to say but when the door closes behind Claire Rean sighs heavily, and there's the sound of him flopping onto bed. Unfortunately he doesn't narrate whatever internal monologue he's having aloud for Crow's benefit at this point.]

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[Rean's mind just kind of blanks out.

The good thing for Crow is that means he's not making anything but a soft sobbing noise as he inhales sharply, so no screaming, at least.

It's really really hard for Rean's brain to process what's happening though once he's turned around and heard that voice. Because it's not possible. Literally this can't be happening. He's hallucinating or dreaming--dreaming is most likely, and yet it feels so real. It even smells like Crow.

But Crow is dead. No one knows that more solidly than Rean, who held him in his arms while his life drained away, who felt the moment he took his last breath and went limp. Rean was there. Rean had a front-row seat to be the most expert authority on how dead Crow is. It's a moment burned into his mind and life forever, one of the most painful things he's experienced and it's more than recent enough to be raw.

So this can't be real. It can't be real but every part of him wants it to be. His heart feels tight and he has to blink rapidly, the tears clouding his vision falling down his cheeks, but that's better than them obscuring his sight because right now he has to stare.

It can't be real. That's all he can think on repeat. It can't. But he wants it so badly he makes another little distressed noise.

If this is a dream, and it has to be, it's a really painful one already.]

[That face. Crow hates that face. He hates that he made Rean cry that way -- even when he tried to make Rean sad he hated it, but he hates it more like this. Because he didn't mind losing. Because he wanted to go home with his friends. But he couldn't, so he thought.

He still can't. But at least he's alive, and he's determined to keep on moving forward. He's feeling pretty good about it actually, Rean's tears aside. He's not sure what to say to those tears though so he just accepts that Rean's not going to scream, lifts his hands, and makes a face.]

Boo.

[He can joke about anything Rean just watch.]

[Yeah so, sob number three. A soft, wet inhale. He feels scares when Crow's hand leaves his face--a hand that was definitely warm and alive. So his reaction is just automatic, leaning forward and throwing his arms around Crow because... Well all kinds of reasons. To make sure he doesn't vanish like the ghost he is, to keep hold of him, to confirm he's real, just because he wants to hug him, any reason you can think of, really.

It's a tight hug too, and his voice is tight with tears that continue to flow freely down his cheeks, words spoken softly like he's very afraid he'll banish some kind of spell.]

Is this real?

As real as I am pretty.

[So super real, obviously. He can't say he's surprised by the hug, although it does make his heart flutter. He hugs back of course, warm and solid and strong and burying his face in Rean's hair because Crow, too, thought he'd never get another chance.

He's so happy to see Rean. He's so grateful to be alive, even if it wasn't his choice.]

Sorry to spook you.

[His voice, his face, his smell, his stupid humor, it's all Crow and Rean doesn't think he's going to stop crying for a while. Maybe his whole life. Especially when he wakes up from this. But he sobs again, this time it's a laugh but you know, choked with tears so it's more pitiful than anything. His heart aches and he can't believe it but at the same time it seems real, he wants it to be real so badly.]

How...? How is this possible?

Turned out I'm so incredibly cool that someone decided to work a miracle. Don't ask me to explain the science cause I don't know. What matters is I'm back, but I'm kiiinda on the run, so...

[So don't get too excited! Crow's rubbing Rean's back though, openly cuddly. Why not? He could die again at any time. He'd be an idiot to hide his feelings this round.]

[Crow will have to do more than cuddle to get through to Rean but also, right now, Rean is so grateful for the cuddling. His fingers curling in Crow's shirt and his face burying in his shoulder as yep, he sobs again. He's very emotional. There are a lot of emotions. He feels like his heart is going to explode from confusion and happiness. He literally just can't contain these feelings, it's too much.

It doesn't matter exactly how, as long as this is real, then he doesn't want to let go ever.]

I missed you. [His voice is soft and broken up.] I missed you so much.

[The on the run thing is important, they have to talk about that, but right now is for hugging and crying and not letting Crow go ever.]

[Poor Rean. He's had it rough. Crow genuinely feels bad for causing it, even if he didn't exactly die on purpose. He can't erase that pain, but at least he's hot the chance to maybe make up for it a little.]

Hey, now. I told you we'd meet again, didn't I?

[No Crow you died halfway through that line. But whatever his point remains.]

...I missed you too, though.

[NO YOU DIDN'T ALSO THAT WOULDN'T MAKE SENSE but look Rean's not thinking muh more clearly than CROW IS ALIVE IN HIS ARMS RIGHT NOW so he just squeezes Crow tighter. Part of him is still convinced this isn't possible or real but mostly he's an optimist and wants to believe somehow, impossibly, against all logic, Crow is here in his arms right now.]

You're here, that's all that matters.

I came to find you as soon as I could.

[Rean may not realise it but he's a top priority. He's also getting flopped on aggressively.]

I can't stay, but they'd have to have killed me again to stop me from checking on you.

Who?

[His fingers tighten on Crow's shirt and he is just glad to be flopped on.]

Who's after you? Whoever they are we can fight them together.

[HE DOESN'T WANT TO LET CROW VANISH AGAIN?]

I'm not letting you go again.

Rean...

[Answering that question totally honestly is just opening some serious cans of worms. So he's going to skirt it.]

It's the Imperial government, man. It's not that easy.

...What...?

[He shouldn't be shocked but still he kind of is? But then who else would have access to Crow's body.]

Yeah. It's all on dear ol' dad's orders.

[So really it's extremely dangerous for Crow to be in this building.]

I'll be worse than dead if they catch me. I just wanted to see you, is all.

[He kind of winces at that, he has a lot of feelings about Chancellor Osborn and a lot are related to Crow and it's all very complicated but that's all beside the main point.]

I don't even know what to say about your recklessness... Except... Thank you.

Ehh, it was my selfishness, honestly.

[He's gay Rean.]

If I had my way I'd kidnap you.

That's not a bad idea.

[He's really emotional but apparently they have to work out complicated things. Ugh. Why can't he just sit here and cry on Crow a while more.]

I guess we should figure out what to do from here.

Yeah... It's a shame but I can't sleep with you under such risky circumstances.

[He can pat Rean's butt though. It's okay Rean cheer up we're just on opposite sides again!]

[He makes a yelping noise than covers his mouth his his hand, hoping that wasn't too loud. But what the heck, Crow??? This must be some new way of bullying.]

That's sexual harassment.

[He echoes Crow's complaints to Angie before the festival.]

Seriously. We need to figure out what to do.

[Sorry Crow that went over his head.]

It's called flirting.

[Pat pat pat.]

You should consider running away with me though.

[He reaches to catch Crow's very offending hand??? His dearest friend is back from the dead and patting his butt what does he do with this situation?]

Crow...

I'm serious.

[About the flirting and the running away.]

Osborne's bad news. I don't want you fighting me on that crusty bastard's orders. And honestly I just want you with me.

[He takes him seriously about the running away at least.]

I wouldn't fight you if he ordered me to anyway. I already beat you, I don't see any reason to fight you from now on. You should have come home with us, instead you...

[He has to take a breath and it's a little shaky.]

I'm glad you're here now. I really don't understand what's going on but I don't intend to fight you again. I'm not sure how we'll figure things out if he's behind this and after you but I don't want to run from it.

You should think about it hard. Making an enemy of him isn't actually smart.

[It is the opposite of smart, as Crow knows better than most.]

I really can't stay and deliberate, though.

I don't really care.

[He doesn't care about smart. He's been helping the Intelligence Division because it's, as best he can tell, the best way to save lives from unnecessarily prolonged conflict, and so in that way it's what's right, but he's not unconflicted about it. There's a lot he doesn't agree with with all of this.]

I want to know what's going on, and I want to stay with you. A lot's happened, and I can't really say I can drag you back to Class VII at this point, but I can't just let you vanish knowing you're alive.

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