reanbeanmachine | spoilery

spoilery

[It's been 5 months since the operation in Heimdallr. It's May, and the Lino flowers have come and gone in Trista.

But Rean Schwarzer, Ashen Chevalier and Hero of Erebonia is not in Trista. His class has graduated and he's on academic leave. He's been here for three months or so, fighting the Empire's battles so the soldiers don't have to, discouraging Calvard from any real large-scale operations, and in his limited down-time, letting Lechter drag him around.

He's been going through the motions for months now, tired but pressing on. He had a week of for Class VII's graduation and then he himself was back to the front. No down time, no closure.

He doesn't think what he's doing is right, but it's also not exactly wrong. Yet every day leaves his heart heavy and weary and conflicted, his mind going round and round in uncertain circles, and that's when he's feeling energetic. A lot of the time he's still on a bit of shut-down. Emotionally, especially. He smiles when he should and he genuinely cares, especially about Altina and Millium when they're with him, but he hasn't had time to mourn, and his grief and anger have to be buried under getting the job done. Rather than physically worn down he's been emotionally fatigued for months, and being part of his father's grand plan to subjugate Crossbell really does nothing to help, but at least it keeps him occupied. Occupied, and away from almost everyone who'd have a prayer of bringing his spirits up. Even Millium doesn't really understand, sadness is too new for her, though she tries.

And while Rean is tired and fighting under the banner of the noble hero, Crow is undergoing his own little fun time. That is to say, his revival is a success, but not entirely. He's not very controllable, you see, because his memories are intact, though it takes a month or two for the pieces of them to fall fully in place. Still, somehow, his return the world is noticed by Ordine, and from Ordine Vita learns of it. After that it's only a matter of time before he's with the Anguis and not the organization who had hoped to use him. And with Vita he can catch up on everything he's missed in the months he's been dead and re-animated.

Which is presumably why he's now in Crossbell, sneaking into the room Rean's been given. It's a nice private officer's quarters, even if he's still technically a student, because the Ashen Chevalier isn't going to be bunked up in the barracks.

It's late, but someone is in the room with Rean, talking to him, when Crow arrives to listen in from whatever approach he's taken, probably air ducts. Claire, actually. She sounds worried, and Rean sounds testy, it's the end of a conversation Crow catches.]

But the Chancellor... No, your father, I'm sure--

That's enough. I'm tired.

....Then, goodnight.

[Whatever they were discussing is impossible to say but when the door closes behind Claire Rean sighs heavily, and there's the sound of him flopping onto bed. Unfortunately he doesn't narrate whatever internal monologue he's having aloud for Crow's benefit at this point.]

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I'm not gonna vanish. Jeez.

[Crow's just gonna mash Rean's cheeks now. Despite the seriousness of the situation, he really wants to keep touching him. Like, a lot.]

You won already. I'm on your side. So if you're not ready to go with me now, Vita will make sure you can contact me.

[Not his cheeks? He looks startled and then tugs at Crow's cheeks. Honestly he might start crying again he's so happy. Despite things being bad.]

I'm not going to sneak away right now, I'll just tell them I quit. And then--actually and then what?

[What are we doing about things? What things need things done about them? He's on board but he doesn't even know what type of ship it is let alone the destination.]

Rebellion.

[Duh. Rean already knows Crow has a very specific desire. He's dead serious about that, too, in contrast to their stupid cheek-bullying.]

I might start here in Crossbell.

Can we do something less drastic and likely to lead to casualties? Or at least... We should get everyone together and talk over the options.

[The Rean Method; Talk About It A Lot.

He's still upset about the chancellor, and the futility of Crow's last plan, the way they all played into his father's hands. It bothers him deeply and he doesn't think anything good will happen if they rush into things now. He has a lot of complicated feelings and he's really, really tired.]

[UGH Rean! Always with the talking, and the worrying about casualties. But he did beat Crow, and Crow did agree to rejoin the group. That prooobably means listening to Rean's way of doing things.

He's still going to sulk about it though.]

If you can come up with a casualty-free way of taking out a corrupt government, I'll try it.

Okay, I don't have any ideas yet but we'll get everyone together and see what we come up with.

[Sorry Rean is always so reasonable about shit even when he's tired and traumatized.]

I know how to contact Emma easily without being suspected but what about you and Vita? For that matter, even if I quit right now we're going to have to set up somewhere to go.

If it's for us, just start talking. She has her ways, y'know.

[mumblemumble witch things]

Are you sure you don't want to run away right now? It'd be romantic.

Haha...

[That awkward "right you're messing with me again" laugh. He's perfected it so well with the people in his life.

Honestly he's such a mess of emotions but it feels nice to be teased like this, like things are normal and okay because they haven't been for a long time now and even if the source of a lot of his trauma was not being able to save Crow and now Crow is right here and he feels so much better, it doesn't erase months of being sort of dead inside either. But Rean's the type of guy who just keeps on regardless of how he feels, even if right now he just wants to curl around Crow spend another five hours crying and talking and then walk out of here together without hiding and gather all their friends.

But that's not to be so he's falling into his practical mode.]

I definitely don't want to see you go, but it'd cause a lot more of a ruckus if I just vanished in the night. I'll quit properly, and get in contact with everyone. If we're avoiding suspicion I think inviting everyone to a weekend in Ymir would make the most sense. I can try to arrange it for the end of the month and meet you there in a week. I doubt anyone is going to think much of me needing a break at this point.

[Though being himself and so straight-laced he's going to feel bad leaving so abruptly anyway.]

That's true. You do overwork yourself.

[He stares for a moment, quietly, brushing Rean's hair away from his face. Should he keep it to himself...? Nah. He's been trying to make himself clear and it hasn't ruined anything yet so:]

I know something that'll help.

Hm?

[He is clueless okay. Even if he weren't having an emotional meltdown of the good kind he'd be clueless. But especially right now he's so overwhelmed, even if he is trying to be calm and practical.]

If you're going to say something illegal...

Not as such. Unless you count fraternizing with the enemy.

[He's not being bad. He's just leaning in for a kiss.]

Frat--

[He doesn't finish the surprised response because now he's being kissed and his mind is going blank again. Look he was already overloaded, this is just too much to process. His eyes go wide but notably he's not reacting badly. He's just shocked.]

[Crow doesn't drag out the kiss, but it's passionate while it lasts. He's rolling them too, so he's straddling Rean's hips and looking down at him with a smug grin.]

I was thinking I should give you a good memory to tide you over.

[He doesn't have time to react properly... He's just starting to return the kiss and then Crow's on his lap and he's blinking up at Crow in continued wide-eyed shock.

His brain is white noise. It's not bad but it's inhibiting his ability to process... Anything. He can't think because his emotions are overwhelming but he can't even manage to tell what his emotions are because he can't think. His heart might hammer out of his chest.]

Crow...?

I told you I was serious.

[He looks more giddy than serious, though, catching Rean's hands in his and pinning him, with their fingers tangled.]

I don't know how much time we have, this time, so I'm not going to waste it.

[On the contrary he's going to kiss Rean again, this time much more thoroughly. Rean's obviously shocked but that's okay. Crow trusts he'll say no if he's unhappy.]

[Crow pinning him has his heart racing even faster, if that's possible. And he's not, you know, without any libido, the kissing and the position and the overwhelmed feelings are definitely getting his body to react. And it's not like his heart isn't all there too, now that it's being pointed out to him.

His fingers curl against Crow's, not pressing him back but holding on, tilting his head up to kiss Crow in return while he succumbs, a little, to what his heart is aching for. He's starting to cry again too, because he's a baby and he has a lot of emotions and he hasn't had time to start sorting even a fraction of them out and Crow is dragging more into the mix.

He has to turn his head and gasp for air in the kiss, making another little sobbing noise as he catches his breath. In his own head he's not sad or upset at all, he's just overwhelmed but the tears and the holding on to Crow's hands may be kind of mixed signals from an outside perspective.]

[It's a little worrying but Crow knows Rean, so only a little. He gives Rean a moment to breathe though, squeezing his hands gently and smiling down at him with swollen lips.]

Hope those are happy tears.

[He swallows heavily, unable to take his eyes off Crow. His cheeks are red and he can't keep his gaze off Crow's lips or you know, eyes, any part of his face, which is very close and very real and most importantly animated and very alive.

He's dying here.]

Of course they are.

[He whispers, really choked up. He should be sorting out his thoughts but Crow ambushed him, is, as usual, way ahead. He actually starts to laugh, a bit wet with the whole crying thing.]

Even when you die and come back you're ahead of me. How am I ever supposed to catch up?

Hm... Practice.

[It's a real answer but also just Crow teasing, as he leans back down to kiss Rean's neck. As long as Rean's happy Crow's got some goals.]

Which I'm more than happy to help with.

[He makes a noise between disgruntled and you know, startled arousal.]

You know that's not what I meant.

[He wiggles a hand from Crow's grasp, reaching up to slides his fingers into Crow's hair.]

Hey--

[He needs to sort out what he wants to say fast, apparently, because it doesn't seem like Crow intends to stop and at this particular point in time Rean isn't sure he wants to either, even if getting their feelings sorted out and talked about is his preference. He missed Crow too much, he doesn't way to push him away at all, he really just wants to pull him closer.]

Crow? [He waits a second for some indication he has Crow's attention before continuing.]

All this time, I've missed you. I've been trying to listen to what you told me, trying to move forward. But honestly, I don't think I've done a great job. I couldn't stop thinking of you, I couldn't stop dwelling on what happened and wondering how I could have done things differently, to keep you safe, to bring you home. Since then things have gotten complicated and I'm involved in this war in a way I never wanted, and I've kept wondering, what would you do or say if you were here? And now you are, and all that complicated stuff doesn't seem to matter as much, because it feels like we'll figure things out.

I'm happy. I'm so happy I can hardly think, my heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest because you're here, and I can hardly believe any of this is real.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you.

Mm?

[He stops when Rean tries to get his attention, though he leaves his face buried against Rean's neck. Of course, leave it to Rean Schwarzer to be so sappy. Crow has a lot of feelings himself, but it's easier for him to express himself physically. It's just his nature to say something stupid and do something meaningful, but he's perfectly capable of this kind of talk when it's important.

He said a lot of things he really meant, when they were fighting. When he was dying. He should be able to say them now, when he's more afraid than he'll admit that they'll be torn apart forever at any moment.]

You're such a baby.

[He huffs, amused, and sits up enough to make eye contact. He's teasing but his smile is a little bit sad and really, really enamoured.]

You've been doing fine, Rean. I'm proud of you. And I love you, too, but I figure you gathered that.

[He's going to cry again at those words, it warms his very tired and already overwhelmed heart. To Rean words mean a lot, what his friends say and the encouragement he gets sticks with him, so being told Crow is proud of him is huge, almost as big as being told I love you which is just, yeah he figured that out in the last few minutes but hearing it is also just lifting a weight off him.

Crow sitting up is Crow going too far, so he uses the hand in Crow's hair to pull him down, kissing him passionately. Look he said and heard what he wanted, at this point he is all in, no hesitation.]

[Crow is absolutely not going to complain about the kiss. He should. He should leave, not because he doesn't want this but because if anyone walks in he's in big trouble. He just said a few minutes ago it was too risky. But he can't help it. He can't stand the idea of leaving and never getting to do this. It's a memory he wants to make, for both of them to hold onto, even if Crow gets his memories stolen again.

It's with those feelings in mind he's kissing Rean with complete devotion, and sliding his hands up his shirt at the same time.]

[They should at least lock the door, but, uh, Rean is kind of busy kissing Crow? He never really planned for this but now that it's happening there's nothing else he wants to do with his life as much as he wants to do this.

He makes a soft noise against Crow's lips at the hands on his skin, then drags his knee up to slide gently between Crow's thighs, fingers curling at the back of Crow's neck. He's pretty confident in what he's doing, at least, aiming to make Crow feel it too even if he's the one being pinned.]

[They have to be quiet. If he's going to stay he at least needs to keep it down, so no one gets worried. So he bites back a groan at the feeling of Rean's knee, just making a small needy sound into Rean's mouth.

It's not enough. He's pretty sure he could touch Rean and be touched by him all night and it wouldn't be enough but for now he's greedily running his fingers over Rean's stomach and up, brushing his thumbs over his nipples and splaying his fingers over his chest. He hates to break the kiss but he feels like he needs to, so he can move it to Rean's neck, his shoulder, careful not to leave a mark so as not to raise suspicion but tasting as much skin as he can.]

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